Celebrate Mother's Day After Losing Your Mom May 12, 2017 11:45

I lost my mother at a time in my life that I really needed her help and advice. My first child was 16 months old, and I so wanted to talk to her about all those things that go with raising children. I knew pretty much nothing about babies and toddlers. Not being able to talk to her was incredibly painful.

Mom talks

So, what do we do on this Mother's Day, for those of us who have lost our mothers? How do we assuage our pain when it seems that everyone else is celebrating? 

I have found that connecting with friends who have also lost their mothers is both helpful and comforting. My best friend lost her mother at age 15, and my other close friend lost her mother when she was in her twenties. We can speak to each other about how difficult it is to be a motherless daughter, and can truly understand the profound sadness that comes with this loss.

I have also found that talking to my mother's friends has been a comfort. These friends, of course, knew my mother, but also know all the stories of my growing up. It's wonderful to reminisce with them. I know that they miss her, too.

mom's friends

Make time for memory and reflection. This is harder than it sounds as many of us try to stay busy and distracted during tough times. Finding quiet and reflective time to just remember our mothers is incredibly important.I spend time in my garden. I find this to be incredibly calming and healing. I often go to the places that we used to walk. Sometimes it is just cathartic to have a good cry. It's okay to miss her.

mother is my best friend

Mother's Day is a day to connect with family. Spend time together.  Talk about your mom and tell your stories. It's the best way to keep her shared memory alive.